AUTHOR: Julie DATE: 11/13/2007 ----- BODY:
Within a few years after Alex was born, I found a great coping mechanism that every parent should develop: I ceased to care what anybody had to say about my parenting decisions with the exception of three people -- my husband, Alex's teacher, and Alex's after school care provider.

Why I would listen to my husband is obvious. He's Alex's dad; of course his opinions are important. The other two people spend more time with Alex than anybody else during the week, including us, and they are most likely to notice things about him that we don't notice.

To me, time is of the essence. I think that adequately explains why no one else made the cut. As for why I think other parents should follow my lead, it's because there is no way to win the parenting game, so you might as well make up your own rules. If you still doubt me, consider this question: should kids take music lessons? How about participating in team sports? What about volunteering for good causes?

If you're anything like me, your head is reeling at this point, wondering what's up with all this over-scheduling and what ever happened to good ol' daydreaming. Yet there are many kids who successfully participate in two or three sports AND take music lessons AND participate in Boy Scouts AND turn out perfectly well adjusted. As their parents would say, the proof is in the pudding.

See, there's no cattier conversation than one between two people with differing parenting philosophies. You just don't want to go there.

Despite my very personal decision not to participate in the parenting game, I've nevertheless found myself on the receiving end of a lot of unwanted cattiness, like the one about which school is better, or the one about piano lessons, or how about the one about Chinese school? Sometimes I get it from people who don't even have kids. It would make no sense for childless people to have opinions about parenting except that they were kids at some point, so one would suppose they're entitled to have their opinions. Still, I resent it when they foist it on me. Last year when I missed a meeting and explained that I was attending an awards ceremony where Alex was receiving the Academic Excellence Award for his class, one childless person snidely commented, "Does that even mean anything in first grade?" In response, I smiled and said, "I don't know."

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-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Blogger Rita COMMENT-DATE:5:33 AM COMMENT-BODY:What a shocking thing for that person to say!! And yet, I remember at some point (probably when I was a kid in the junior high range?) wondering something similar about the meaning of such awards at a young age.

I didn't mean anything snarky by it; I was genuinely puzzled. Today the "mean anything" has larger implications (like what does it mean for a parent to show up at the awards ceremony, for example), but oddly, so does the most direct meaning. I both recall my own first grade academic highs and lows, plus have seen my little cousin's progress. It means a lot (to whom? in what sense?). All around. (Why wouldn't I have remembered that when I was in junior high?? I don't know.)

Then again, I have issues. I got super upset at someone (that I've had issues with all my life, let's just say) when I heard her dismiss kindergarten as being utterly unimportant and something a child won't even remember. I had a bad start in school, myself, probably as a direct result of this attitude (which is probably why I do remember so much of that time now). Yeah, I turned out "fine"...but, then again, not really. It had ramifications.

Sigh. Everyone has opinions. --------